Content?

Here is my obligatory, whiny post that I never though I would write. I'd hoped for this blog to be a place to write about music and the various shows I go to and amazing bands. I do have some concerts I need to write up, but I find myself wanting to get this out right now.

I like to think I am a fairly simple person. It doesn't take much to make me happy. Small things like hearing an old favorite song on the radio or fun socks can make me smile. And I used to find myself incredibly content with my life. It wasn't bad and it wasn't super awesome, it just was. And I was okay with that.

I'm not so sure that is the case anymore.

I've been feeling restless for a while now. Many months ago, thanks to some very real words from Spencer Bell, I realized that I was lost. If you had talked to me in high school, or hell, even two years into college, you would have known that I never had plans to be where I am right now. I'm here because it was the responsible thing to do. Never, have I ever been told to do what makes me happy. I have always been led to make the responsible and level headed choice. And while it has led to some, even yet now wavering, stability, it has never been me.

But to do something just because becomes exhausting. I've never felt like more of a wallflower in my own profession and even my family. I'm in traction and I really need to move forward. But when you're stuck, it's hard to find a solution that doesn't involve just picking up and leaving everything behind. I'm weary of being told how I should feel and what I should do. And for everything ending up being my fault somehow.

I think I am starting to have a good idea of where I want to be and what I want to do. But will I have the support to get there? Probably not. Which doesn't mean I'll give it up, but it does put a damper on things.

So to end this most likely confusing ramble, things needs to change and I understand that. Now to make it happen...