Content?

Here is my obligatory, whiny post that I never though I would write. I'd hoped for this blog to be a place to write about music and the various shows I go to and amazing bands. I do have some concerts I need to write up, but I find myself wanting to get this out right now.

I like to think I am a fairly simple person. It doesn't take much to make me happy. Small things like hearing an old favorite song on the radio or fun socks can make me smile. And I used to find myself incredibly content with my life. It wasn't bad and it wasn't super awesome, it just was. And I was okay with that.

I'm not so sure that is the case anymore.

I've been feeling restless for a while now. Many months ago, thanks to some very real words from Spencer Bell, I realized that I was lost. If you had talked to me in high school, or hell, even two years into college, you would have known that I never had plans to be where I am right now. I'm here because it was the responsible thing to do. Never, have I ever been told to do what makes me happy. I have always been led to make the responsible and level headed choice. And while it has led to some, even yet now wavering, stability, it has never been me.

But to do something just because becomes exhausting. I've never felt like more of a wallflower in my own profession and even my family. I'm in traction and I really need to move forward. But when you're stuck, it's hard to find a solution that doesn't involve just picking up and leaving everything behind. I'm weary of being told how I should feel and what I should do. And for everything ending up being my fault somehow.

I think I am starting to have a good idea of where I want to be and what I want to do. But will I have the support to get there? Probably not. Which doesn't mean I'll give it up, but it does put a damper on things.

So to end this most likely confusing ramble, things needs to change and I understand that. Now to make it happen...

The days when music was everything...

Lately work and life has been crazy and I've been reminiscing back to the days of my youth when things were simple. The days when all I had to worry about was learning my lines while playing Helena in A Midsummer Night's Dream and if my best friend was going to stay mad at me for whatever silly reason.

But what I miss the most, is the music. The way I could get completely lost in a song. Late nights laying on the floor with headphones, listening to the same album over and over again. Really listening and feeling the music until I was sure whoever wrote it had taken the lyrics straight from my thoughts. Dying for school to be over so I could rush home and listen to my favorite songs. I'll admit I haven't felt that way about music since I discovered Pearl Jam in high school and I miss the feeling like crazy.

Now, back in the day I was all about the pop bands. There were varying amounts of spice girls, backstreet boys, and other manufactured groups running through my CD player at any given time. Yeah, I'll claim it. That was the music I identified with then. It made me want to sing along and dance around my room like a fool and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think it is safe to say that after seeing the video for "Jeremy" late on night on tv, Pearl Jam blew away the sugary pop groups and opened up a whole new world for me.

And I write all of this because I finally have that desperate, must listen right now feeling again. I've found music that has reawakened this creative, deeper thinking, dreamer that was pushed down and silenced by numerous years of time consuming course work and a crazy ass busy career.

I owe this reawakening of sorts to two very different artists.

The first, an amazing song writer named Spencer Bell. Spencer died a few years back from Adrenal Cancer and left behind an amazing legacy of music and friendship. Through him I have met a group of gals who I consider my sisters in every way that counts, we even have a brother as well. Spencer was a master lyricist and had a fresh way of putting words together that I had never heard before. I relate to so many of his songs and many have helped me stay sane during a particularly horrible time at work. For more info on Spencer and to hear some pretty damn amazing music check out the link.

http://spencerbellmemorial.ning.com/

The second, and most recent, is a group that has me in damn awe, Mumford and Sons. A few months back I had been flipping channels late at night and came across their video for, "Little Lion Man." They were unlike anything I had been listening to and I was hooked. So I listened to their singles for a while and then last week I watched them kick ass on The Grammy's. I wondered why I had waited so long to get their album and hightailed it to iTunes. I have had them on repeat since. The amazing musicality, raw emotion, and turns of phrase have me truly thrilled about music again. I also think they tend to use quite an old fashioned way of speech that isn't heard in the U.S. anymore. I dig this because when I do write fiction, I do the same. I could go on and on about Mumford and Sons, but the truth is, you won't really get it unless you give them a listen. Check it.

http://www.myspace.com/mumfordandsons

So here I am again, reliving my youth, headphones on, laid back on the floor, jamming to some music that rocks my damn socks. Of course, on occasion, I'll get up and dance like a fool too. :)

MQ

Aloha

So I am new to this blogging thing. Apart from having to create one for some college courses, I am a newbie. But lately I've been feeling the itch to start writing again. It is sad to have essentially become and writer who doesn't write. In an effort to keep myself producing anything on a normal basis, here we are. Here you can get a healthy does of the randomness that runs through my head on a daily basis, rants, rambles, and the like. Read and comment if you would like, or not. ;)

MQ